The Day After Tomorrow

I didn’t feel old on Monday. Sure I was a little anxious and had a horrible feeling of foreboding. Yesterday I turned twenty-six. I didn’t think it would be so bad. It has been. I think I’ve had a mid life crisis. I know that puts my projected life expectancy up to fifty-two but I think that is an honest estimate of how long I have.

I spent several hours yesterday thinking about my accomplishments. Then I tried to think of all the goals I have set for myself. There aren’t any. I have neither accomplished anything nor have I planned anything. I am a total waste of space. And I’m half dead to boot. This sucks. I think this is the first time I’ve felt terrible about my birthday. I know I’m being overly dramatic. Clearly I am still young and should appreciate life more. I just wish I hadn’t squandered so much of it.

I’m going to take a while a bitch about everything that’s wrong right now. If you’re still reading this I applaud your resolve. Or maybe you’re just trying to make yourself feel better by looking at my pathetic life. Here goes.

I live with my parents
The one lady friend who actually likes me for me, also makes me sick
I don’t have my own car (in that I still drive a freebee from my parents)
I don’t have my own house
I don’t get up early enough to enjoy the morning or eat breakfast
I weigh to much
I haven’t had sex with nearly enough people
(I’m depressed but I still have a sense of humor)
I’m not making $25 an hour (and I really should be)

I got kind of sick of making that list. It doesn’t solve any of my problems by pointing them out like that. I should really be trying to fix them. Setting reasonable goals for myself, and then following through. That’s it! I’m going out this weekend and I’m going to sleep with two new people! I love goals.

Old man Harris signing out