The Break Up.

So the eventual but unavoidable conclusion finally came to the relationship I was having. The lady friend took it hard but honestly, she should have seen this coming. I’ve been as mean as humanly possible. I’ve ignored phone calls, hit on her friends and even had boys nights out where she knew I was picking up girls for my “single” friends. And although it’s true I didn’t pick up girls for myself. (Well only occasionally.) She should have still been filled with rage, called me a dirty liar and told me to fuck off. Sadly she didn’t. If I could find it in my heart to care about this girl I think I would but that spark just isn’t there.

Now maybe it’s my fault for going back out with her as part of a huge revenge plot. In my defense. I’M A GUY. We’re not known for being overly bright. The long story short is that early on in our relationship The Lady Friend cheated on me. I was my plan to continue dating her until such time as she tells the world she loves me, or the birth of our third child. After five months of faking it and being a shity boyfriend I realized I didn’t want to crush her. Honestly it’s so hard staying bitter for that long a time. I though it would be best if I just let her go. In the same way you release a fish back into a pond. I wanted to get my thumb in her mouth and wriggle her back and forth until she was revived and dove back into the depths to avoid contact with mankind again. Needless to say when you tell a girl that you don’t have feelings for her and then try to jam your thumb into her mouth, it can only go poorly for you.

So I’m a Deuch Bag. I knew that along time ago. I’m shocked to hear that she only realized it on Sunday.

I have never been happier. Well that’s not true. It’s just that I’ve been giddy all week and it because of the break up I tell you. I feel so free. If this isn’t a sure sign that we were not meant to be I don’t know what is. Thanks for all the good times Brit. I will never forget the way you squirm when I nibble on your nipples. I just wish you had of been conscious.